Comment? (this actually works)
ποΈTΜ½ΝHΜ½ΝEΜ½ΝNΜ½ΝEΜ½ΝWΜ½ΝTΜ½ΝZΜ½Νπ
23 yr old, freelance artist and musician
23 yr old, freelance artist and musician
hello again. i'm starting my week of trying to stay off of social media. i have such a weird relationship with social media, i know it harms me and i know due to my addictive personality it is ultimately bad for me to scroll dopamine overrun algorithms but i use it as my job and way to keep occupied when i am alone. i used to go out to the country where i couldn't get service and just stay in the camper my mom had out there for a weekend to avoid this feeling i get, but the camper has been sold and my partner doesn't really enjoy camping/too busy with work/being away from internet. maybe one day she will, but i get her reasons.
things keep getting more and more scary as the days weather on, part of my break is just not being able to see any news. tired of seeing everything going on here and in the world. everything just kinda feels futile at this point.
i hope everyone is doing well after the winter storm. its times like these that i'm happy im not living in maine still, among other reasons. maybe one day i'll be able to bring myself to go back, but definetly not during the winter. plus i don't even wanna know how much driving up there would cost in gas nowadays. nonetheless, stay warm.
-thenewtz / Matthew
this is my first blog post i guess, hey. i havent really messed with my neocities much and everytime i do i mess up the code somehow so my apologies for leaving this site mostly dead.
i'm going to be a little more personal here since this is a very niche form of posting. currently i am still unemployed, no matter how many interviews i go to or applications i put in, i never get the job. i never can understand if its my appearance not matching whats on my paperwork as a visibly trans man, not enough skills, seeming offputting as an autistic person, or that i can't work many hours due to fibromyalgia and lupus kicking my ass hard if i go above 25-30 hours a week. i've been trying my hardest but idk, maybe i just live in a horrible area. i wish my commissions would pick back up so i wouldn't feel all this pressure and that i could afford a dr appointment to go back on my hrt, since my old dr wont write me another script (promised bloodtests that no one will give me bc they 'dont do hormone checks' (liars) and can't afford to pay my last appointment bill since it was 342 dollars) or just a dr appointment in general, pretty sure i have mold poisoning tbh.
im mostly just shouting to the void here and testing how this would look/trying to open up ever so slightly. its hard for me to do that after everything i guess. sometimes i wish i could go back to who i was in 2020. who knew a biden party would change the trajectory of my life forever LMAO. maybe i can move out of this biohazard of an apartment, almost 900 dollars for the cheapest duplex alive and mold poisoning, what a fucking bargain. i dont know man. either way i guess i have my girlfriend and thats all i need for now. maybe one day we can both get away from here.
watched evangelion this month, enjoyed it but i gotta like watch a video essay on the end of that movie or something i think im too dense to fully get it. i love shinji, though i think the 14 year old inside of me related a little too hard to somethings he went through which is why i like him. excited to see the rest of the movies eventually with my gf, she says konwa (i think thats his name im too off the edible to google it rn) has a bit more presence in them and i wanna see more of that guy. dude really showed up to have 2 gay scenes with my guy and then fucking dies. askua's death made me sob i had to go smoke after that. anyway, 10/10, up there with devilman crybaby i think. if you read this and have animes similar i should watch use the comment box below. the messages go to a discord server and i am the only one that can read them. if i feel like responding, i'll do so in a post in the future.
okay yeah im getting dizzy now this shit is kicking in hard. thank you for listening to me, i gotta go
-thenewtz / Matthew
updating when i find a streaming service to transfer to
updating when i find a streaming service to transfer to
